Yeah - Sorry it's been so long....

Got a cat.

Talked with my mom, who I haven't seen or talked to in about 6 years...

Stressing...

Wanting an escape, but haven't found one yet that doesn't involve the use of illegal substances....

Will write more later, but right now, it's time for a nap...

Don't know who are, and I don't know where specifically....   But I do want to make it a point to tell YOU Mr. or Ms. "I'm from Russia" ---   Hi!!!

Much love from only 1 of the 2 Commonwealths in the United States, the wonderful Commonwealth of Kentucky---

It really pleases me that someone so far away and with such different backgrounds, that you come onto my site and read what I got to say.

I'm gonna learn as little bit of Russian and say -


Не знаю, кто это, и я не знаю, где конкретно .... Но я хочу сделать это в точку,сказать, господин или госпожа "Я из России" --- Привет!

Многие любят только с 1 на 2 содружества в Соединенных Штатах, прекрасныйштата Кентукки ---

На самом деле мне нравится, что кто-то так далеко и с такой различного происхождения, что вы пришли на мой сайт и прочитать то, что я должен сказать.

Я хочу узнать, как немного русских и говорить

 "Спасибо. Многие любят. Я надеюсь, что вы будете продолжать в гости, и я желаю вам и вашей семье очень благословенный день."   




:-)

Well, got done with my appointment with social security this morning.  Actually in quite a bit of pain, but I will survive.  Thinking about what to do for lunch.  Called the cable company a few minutes ago.  The technician is scheduled to be here from 5pm - 8pm, but told them to call the technician and let him or her know that its okay to come early, if they so choose.

I'm rather excited because I will be getting a new modem and router.  The router I have is a kick ass Cisco E1500, but if I try to go wireless, it slows me to dial-up speed because it runs on the same frequency as my wireless surround sound...  And if anyone suggests it, I tried all the channels on the router - same result.  Supposedly the router that Insight is providing will allow me to get off of the 2.4 range and let me go to the 5's...  If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it...

Anyways...  I have some things to do around here today, so I will obviously write more later.  

Hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed Tuesday.   :-)

As dumb as this is, I think it might just cheer ya up a tad bit if you go here...  Nothing bad...

http://tosh529.org/?gclid=CIOU4JevoLACFbEBQAodjE1SWw

This has been irritating me...

Now I'm sure most everyone who knows me, knows that I have three children.  I have two with my ex-wife, and one with Angel.

Just because my ex-wife wants to BANISH me from Gab and Jon's lives, doesn't mean that I don't love them any less.  I think about them EVERY single day!!!  

                                   As far as Angel and Mason are concerned:

Mom - If you should EVER read this, just know that I know I have hurt you.  Keep in mind - JUST AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE HURT ME.  If you can't accept that, then we're just going to stay at this stalemate.

Dad - If you should ever read this...  Yes, you have a 3rd grandchild who will be 5 years old on June 13.  I'm not sure if it even bothers you that you have never even met him, but it really bothers me.  Mason should be able to meet and see his grandfather.  Lord knows, we won't be around forever...  Please don't punish Mason because of my mistakes.  I accept that you hate me, and I understand and accept that, however, I don't think it's fair to you or Mason...  Maybe Angel can come up and introduce you to him... my presence not required... Please think about it, dad....

Other than my kids and family, I have only really cared in my heart about a couple of things in life:  1.)  Impressing my father, and 2.) Accomplishing things, just because people said that I couldn't do it.

1.)  Not a lot of people know what kind of work I did in the military, and how valuable it was to National Security and keeping our citizens safe.

2.)  After the military, I got a job as a Test Engineer for a defense contractor just outside of Washington, D.C.  I can't state the nature of my work, but I was building computer systems for the United States Navy.  I did that job, just because my douchebag stepfather at the time told me that I couldn't get a good job without college education.  I had completed several courses with the National Cryptologic School, and I got this job just to prove him dead wrong.  At the same time, I was a volunteer Firefighter/EMT-B for the Essex, Baltimore County, Maryland fire department.

3.)  I left my job as a defense contractor, to pursue what I thought was my true calling in life...  To help people that can't help themselves.  I was on a private medic and continued to volunteer while going through the hiring process for the Baltimore City Fire Service.

4.)  I had gotten hired in a class of 50 for the Baltimore City Fire Service.  I was one of the proudest days of my life.  Badge Number: 2372.  My wife, Melinda, was in attendance along with her family.  I do not recall much of my graduation, other than the now governor of Maryland (Mayor at the time) wasn't in attendance...  I do not recall my family being there...  They most certainly could have been, but I was just so caught up in the excitement of the whole thing that I can't remember.  I had become a member of one of the most historic and proud fire departments in the country...  Right up there with the FDNY, Chicago, Phoenix, Los Angeles...  I was not only a firefighter, I was one of the elite.  I was assigned right out of the academy to the only Heavy Rescue Unit in Baltimore City - all 92 square miles of it...

5.)  My certifications include:  Firefighter I and II, HAZMAT Technician, Rescue Technician (Ropes/High Angle Rescue, Automobile/Machinery Extrication, Confined Space Technician, Swift Water/Ice Rescue, Elevator Rescue, among others...  EMT-B assistant instructor...  Should I go on?

I am not trying to brag by any means, however, I think that it is important for some people that read this to know that I have not made a total wreck of my life...  Yes I fought drug addition.  I am winning that battle today, but still a battle nonetheless.  I made a shit load of bad (to say the least) choices, however, some people need to know that these poor chases were made as a result of a never ending battle with adversity - whether it be my ex-wife and what she did to me, or it be my DOUCHEBAG stepfather and mothers relationship, my injury, my mental health, seeing the awful shit day in and day out with my career (shooting and stabbings were a good day at work)...

No excuses.  I am a man.  And as a man, I take full responsibility of my actions, whether good or bad.  I accept things for what they are now, but I am making an honest attempt at trying to be a man and do the right thing.  It is taking time, however, I am continuing to make the right choices daily, and I am making an attempt to repair the damaged relationships that I have caused.  I have burned a lot of bridges.

I DO NOT need financial assistance from you (you know who you are).  I am doing okay.  I am simply trying to BEGIN to fix what I have broken.  You may not respond to me now, and I totally understand...  You just need to know that I will not give up because of who I am.  I am not a quitter.  I am determined.  Only God, my fellow brothers and sisters, and I know what I am capable of.  Just know, that I will continue to reach out to you, and I am anxiously awaiting for the next step.


Everyone have a wonderful and blessed evening.  Have a wonderful Memorial Day, and remember not only all the veterans, but all the active and reserve troops serving today... Till they all come home safe.

Well, there's quite a bit that I want to get out here...  Problem is:  Where do I start?

Well, I suppose that I want to say that as far as my recovery is concerned, I am okay.  I still think about using.  I'm not going to lie.  I only think about it because I am in a lot of pain.  My 30 year old body has been beaten and abused so much, it hurts to walk...even with a cane.

There are some things that I will post on here soon, but only after discussing my feelings, and the situation with this particular person, whom I will not name...  Could be very "drama" filled!!!  Stay tuned...

Getting my internet upgraded to 30Mbps on Tuesday evening...  I will truly be "kickin' ass in the bluegrass"!!!  I can't lie.  I am a bandwidth whore!!!

I think when I finally get my settlement, I'm going to catch up on my child support, buy a new truck, hire another attorney so I can fight with my bitch of an ex-wife to at least get some type of visitation with my kids!!!
I sincerely blame my ex-wife for the beginning of my 6 year downward spiral.

I am not bitter, because I have learned forgiveness.  I am not ashamed, because I have learned humility.  I am no longer afraid, because I have learned true courage.  I have danced with the Devil and I have walked with death, and I have been told that I am further along in my spiritual journey than I realize...  Yet somehow I cannot accept the personal peace that was offered to me. ----  And yes, you can quote me on that.