Other than my kids and family, I have only really cared in my heart about a couple of things in life:  1.)  Impressing my father, and 2.) Accomplishing things, just because people said that I couldn't do it.

1.)  Not a lot of people know what kind of work I did in the military, and how valuable it was to National Security and keeping our citizens safe.

2.)  After the military, I got a job as a Test Engineer for a defense contractor just outside of Washington, D.C.  I can't state the nature of my work, but I was building computer systems for the United States Navy.  I did that job, just because my douchebag stepfather at the time told me that I couldn't get a good job without college education.  I had completed several courses with the National Cryptologic School, and I got this job just to prove him dead wrong.  At the same time, I was a volunteer Firefighter/EMT-B for the Essex, Baltimore County, Maryland fire department.

3.)  I left my job as a defense contractor, to pursue what I thought was my true calling in life...  To help people that can't help themselves.  I was on a private medic and continued to volunteer while going through the hiring process for the Baltimore City Fire Service.

4.)  I had gotten hired in a class of 50 for the Baltimore City Fire Service.  I was one of the proudest days of my life.  Badge Number: 2372.  My wife, Melinda, was in attendance along with her family.  I do not recall much of my graduation, other than the now governor of Maryland (Mayor at the time) wasn't in attendance...  I do not recall my family being there...  They most certainly could have been, but I was just so caught up in the excitement of the whole thing that I can't remember.  I had become a member of one of the most historic and proud fire departments in the country...  Right up there with the FDNY, Chicago, Phoenix, Los Angeles...  I was not only a firefighter, I was one of the elite.  I was assigned right out of the academy to the only Heavy Rescue Unit in Baltimore City - all 92 square miles of it...

5.)  My certifications include:  Firefighter I and II, HAZMAT Technician, Rescue Technician (Ropes/High Angle Rescue, Automobile/Machinery Extrication, Confined Space Technician, Swift Water/Ice Rescue, Elevator Rescue, among others...  EMT-B assistant instructor...  Should I go on?

I am not trying to brag by any means, however, I think that it is important for some people that read this to know that I have not made a total wreck of my life...  Yes I fought drug addition.  I am winning that battle today, but still a battle nonetheless.  I made a shit load of bad (to say the least) choices, however, some people need to know that these poor chases were made as a result of a never ending battle with adversity - whether it be my ex-wife and what she did to me, or it be my DOUCHEBAG stepfather and mothers relationship, my injury, my mental health, seeing the awful shit day in and day out with my career (shooting and stabbings were a good day at work)...

No excuses.  I am a man.  And as a man, I take full responsibility of my actions, whether good or bad.  I accept things for what they are now, but I am making an honest attempt at trying to be a man and do the right thing.  It is taking time, however, I am continuing to make the right choices daily, and I am making an attempt to repair the damaged relationships that I have caused.  I have burned a lot of bridges.

I DO NOT need financial assistance from you (you know who you are).  I am doing okay.  I am simply trying to BEGIN to fix what I have broken.  You may not respond to me now, and I totally understand...  You just need to know that I will not give up because of who I am.  I am not a quitter.  I am determined.  Only God, my fellow brothers and sisters, and I know what I am capable of.  Just know, that I will continue to reach out to you, and I am anxiously awaiting for the next step.


Everyone have a wonderful and blessed evening.  Have a wonderful Memorial Day, and remember not only all the veterans, but all the active and reserve troops serving today... Till they all come home safe.